Before you get to me...

Happy New Year everybody!

I am sorry I am so late, I have so much to do, a lot. I've been writing as well, which I have not done since 2019. For this year, I would like to include different entries on different topics such as horror, or writing of my own and such. Just as a new year thing, here is a little story I wrote based on true events. Hope you guys have a nice week!

You probably forgot about me, as I did until 2 years ago. I have a horrible memory and for some reason nobody mentioned you again, “why did he leave?” I asked my grandmother. The only thing she could say was “his parents were really strict, that’s all I remember… Oh! and his hair, just like yours so beautiful, and he was so well-mannered, nobody believed he was from the same place as us! I can’t remember more than that…” this is what my grandma said a couple of months ago after I asked about you.

I am surprised she remembers you, my memory started coming back again after she said that; I could only remember your name back then.... you used to play with my hair a lot and I used to play with yours, I hated it. I remember your laugh, it was funny and contagious, apparently people used to say we look alike, and I am sure your parents didn’t like it. I remember how you were at our house from early morning until 11am and then would come back at around 1pm.

In October, I asked my cousin if he remembered you and he looked at me funny and said “I remember you.” What does he mean? Am I making you up? is grandma making you up? I mean, she’s 74 but she is as fresh as tomatoes. “he looked just like you, Diego” and I almost cried at the thought of somebody else remembering your name. “do you remember what he looked like? Do we have a picture together? anything?” “I don’t” that’s the only thing he said. “Well, he was here in my birthday maybe he is in the picture too.” last thing he said. for real this time.

I go online trying to find out more about you. Did not find anything, not one single thing. [typing] “Diego A…, Diego B…, Diego C…, etc.” no single one of them was you, or maybe it was, and I just couldn’t remember your face 10 or 13 years after I saw you the last time… Now I remember your smile of course, and your big forehead, your laughter after it was mentioned, it started to come back, but not one of those profile pictures looked like you. not a single one.

I asked my other friends, whom I haven’t talked to in years, “you had another friend?”, I deserve it, all those years full of sarcasm, but yes, I did, my family remembers. you went to the same school as me, as my cousins, right? “No, we don’t remember, why are you asking?” Why am I asking. At first, I thought it was because I wanted to debunk the idea that you were an imaginary friend. Then, after I did, I wanted to find out what happened to you, the big question, why? why did you leave? what happened with your parents? are you okay? do you remember me?

Maybe you don’t. and that’s okay. I didn’t either. You wouldn’t believe all of the things that have happened since you left.

Two months later. Today I asked Patricia if she remembers you. She was my best friend in middle school until she left (just like you), the difference is Patricia was still in my life somehow, until high school that is. She had a baby, and I never met them, she went to the USA before I did, and I never saw her again. Then, she added me on social media, and then, she removed me from her list of friends. But I went ahead. “Hey, it’s been a long time, how are you?” no reply.

Two days later. No reply. I texted again. “Hey, I am sorry to bother but, do you remember Diego? I think he used to play with us and your car. You remember that big truck your parents got you, it was pink and blue I think(?). I know we haven’t talked since idk 2013? [smiley emoji face]” Send.

Hours and Hours later. Nothing.

A week later and I saw she left me on read. Maybe you didn’t go to school with us. I went into her friend list, and you are not there. Then maybe, somebody else used to play with us and Patricia's car, maybe, I was not good at making friends so they must have been her friend. I am not worried about them, they are not as important as you.

Three months later. Nothing still. I don’t have any memory back, nothing else comes back.

Two days ago, I decided to start looking again. None of my other friends seem to remember you. And the ones that live close to us, I do not talk to them after the bullying I suffered in high school from them. I am older, of course I can defend myself, but I don't want to.

I went on Instagram, got a hold on my cousin's account. [typing] "Diego..." 12 different accounts. I clicked on all of them. Even those with a flag that is not ours. Country, I mean. One of them kinda resembles you. I don't send a friend request. I just stared. Blank. Nothing comes to mind. Do I do this?

Why am I worried about you? Why have I been thinking about you? Why am I struggling to find you?

Maybe it’s because I remember you were my first crush, I realized it the day I remembered playing with your hair. And then I can’t stop thinking about how maybe you left because your parents didn’t like “that”. They didn’t like us; just kids not knowing about any of these emotions... they didn’t like my family? I can tell. Whenever my grandma talks shit about a neighbor is because they were nasty as hell. And that is exactly what she says about your parents, my aunt too says it.

My grandma has changed a lot. After some of us came out to her. Being gay, your parents didn't want you to be that. that’s all it is. but we are in a different society now, we are grown. You are a year older than me. I don’t remember any of your birthdays, I don’t remember you on my birthday, I just remember some of you…

and so, all I want to know is if you are okay, did you get to do whatever you said you wanted to do growing up? did you have a good experience in high school? where did you go? why? do you think of me? do you remember me? and I stop sometimes to ask myself... are we looking for each other?